I cannot even recall a day of the past calendar year that I could not turn on a news program or read in the Economist or Atlantic Monthly, or the NYT, or whatever, and not expect to hear about some new or ongoing protest.   Largely they all seem to have a common thread. They commonly are protests by people versus the governments they have an expectation of.   They are expecting the civil services of  safety, security, and economic stability.

I have nightmares that stem from thoughts of all the protests, the fears I have about the possible outcomes, and there is no one to take these thoughts to.  They're stuck inside.

So, lately, what I do when I feel something as troubling or exciting is have conversations with family, friends, and associates who feel the same concerns (though they may or may not feel the same about the cause, effect, or potential solutions).   Almost invariably some thought on how I could present the feeling in a form that might resonate with others.  If I were a cartoonist I'd make witty or sad cartoons.  But, what I am is a feeling individual and am in search of a medium to express these feelings bottled up inside.

Forms and video are the first thoughts that come to my mind whenever I wish to create a representation for what I am thinking or feeling is worth the time an energy.  While I may be a budding artist activist, I'm really just wanting to connect with others that feel what I feel...give us both something to focus upon, something that embodies the feeling that resoundingly affects us, even if differently.

I'm thinking of the many ways I can represent myself.  A sculpture.  I see a head that is a great representation of me...recognizable in proportion and contours.  But I want it to be dynamic, to be expressive.  The stoic face that everyone sees is not the person that lives behind that face.  I'm sure we all can say that to some degree.  The face everyone sees is not fully expressing what we feel or think.  So my sculpture is a chance for me to expose that face, or those faces.  Having seen some work by Tony Oursler, and other artist using screens and projection video, that would be the approach of my choice.

But, it cannot stop there...

Books have always been a wonderful thing for me.  As a child growing up in a NYC ghetto, I used to seek refuge from the heat and the violence in the public libraries.  I would duck the fare and sneak aboard the NYC subway to go to midtown Manhattan to go to the super large main branch...then I'd walk 40 blocks to the Museum of Natural History to spend the rest of the day looking for some of the things I'd read about.  Yet, I have to say that I am amused at the child-like feeling I have at discovering a new category of reading.   Books, a thing I have always loved, now mean even more to me, however,

as I endeavor to have a deeper understanding of my own passion to create, I find that considering the ideas and perspectives put forth by other artists is like adding compost to my own creative spirit.  I used to get great joy out of reading science and reference books, but now find it an indescribable pleasure to consume information about art, artists, and history.

On this site, I have begun the list of books I have (or have begun to) consumed during my MFA education, and perhaps beyond if this blog continues.  Click HERE to go to my bibliography. ​

This wordy post feels like one of the least important, but necessary posts I have made thus far.  I feel it is unimportant because I don't believe that I'm really attempting to respond to the book, and I am not taking the time needed to effectively communicate an worthy review of it.  On the other hand, I believe it to be necessary in the sense that it is helping me to develop more of a practice of capturing my thoughts in general.  Blogging feels somewhat unnatural to me, yet I am beginning to find  a connection to my thinking process in it.  I spend a staggering amount of daily time thinking about the purpose for my art, and the methods I want to use to express the ideas I want it to communicate.  Unfortunately, I have not documented a lot of this thought.   I have made scores of sketches, and had hundreds of conversations, and now I am starting to feel the desire to capture more of these thoughts and post conversation summaries.  So without further ado,

Had a conversation with Professor Wascovich this afternoon around 2:30p, but it took 6 hours for the  thoughts to gel.  Now, my hands are ready to act but I have trouble until I have a plan.  I am filming and have to get my actors, etc. and they will want to know what the plan is.   So...The gist of what came out of what we talked about this afternoon is that my work would benefit from an uncoupling of the components of one of my big ideas.  It was too much like a smorgasbord, and well, nuff said, I will take that advice.

The first I'll work on is called Polizoms...

However, this piece can be made to stand alone. ​It could be projected onto the exterior of many sides of a building (such as the church that one of my cohorts, Jareth Arcane, had found)...or a similar building.  It can also be projected onto a holographic foil or simply a piece of material that acts the same as a rear-projection screen.  The material could be left to hang free, and  I can envision this material hanging from the eaves of any structure.  For example, the covered picnic space would be interesting.  Or!, if I could use some of the holographic foil I have discovered, I could project map the film onto the foil and it could appear as if the subjects are present at the picnic space we talked about in class.

Anyway, my general idea is outlined as this:

• Enlist my subjects for the project... shoot on a Saturday, before foot traffic becomes an issue.
• 6 to 8 people, walking back and forth, left and right, into and out of frame
• 3 groups acting differently, but with similar objectives
  1. Enter frame looking at phone walking normally, possibly acknowledging passers-by
  2. At some point each individual is struck by the light emanating from their phone and their gait slows, and they then stare straight ahead while holding the phone the same as when they were looking at it
  3. they reverse direction and walking in zombified mode back to where they came from
  4. Hopefully when all 6 or 8 are in frame it feels like a bit of a crowd
• Post-processing is where the rest of the story is told.
• Don't let the post-processing take the stage, just let it work just enough to help tell the story.
• Shoot wide-angle (28-35mm);
• Shoot slow shutter speed (looking for a bit of etherial texture);
• Capture ambient audio, perhaps get some local footstep foley;
• Be flexible and let the environment and/or subjects affect the piece.

Action plan:

• Tomorrow I will go scout some locations, and I'll reach out to the subject/actors I have in mind.
• Monday or Tuesday, shoot a test with Kristina and anyone else that I can get to participate (out in Commerce).
• Ingest the footage and start working on testing the concepts that will happen in post processing.

So...what I did not mention in the brief talk about my process is that I am always in process.

I am always thinking about art, I am fortunate that the general structure of my life, currently, somewhat supports that thinking.   I spend hours talking with my closest friend, my wife, and hours talking with my 2nd closest friend currently who is a UNT MFA Documentarian.   I think that talking about and looking at art are the most important part of my process.

It turns out that since, YTTW! was installed, and then COVID19 struck the USA headlines, there has been no shortage of inspirational experiences, and of course the protests have also inspired me to think on my reactions, and to come up with ways to unlock discussions about those feelings of mine, which I presume are similar to feelings of others.   Or, perhaps they are in direct contrast to some others' feelings.

In any case, I had begun in late January to consider other works that I might labor to produce over the next 2-3 years.

Above is some of my 'Memory Boarding'...my way of reminding myself what key elements make up an idea...This is for Hacked or Polizoms...

Echos of the opening statement are resounding today.  Calls for less government, or defiance in protest of what is seen as ineffective and corrupt government are in effect following the fundamentals written in this book by Henry David Thoreau.

HDT had a direct and unfiltered boisterous manner of communicating his point-of-view.  Speaking out against self-indulgent, inept, or ineffective, and abusive government.  He presented no uncertainty that his attitude was to stand up against such control over his livelihood.  He defined good government that which is acted out by men of good conscience. 

By that very point, it is noted that he operated on some assumptions which were probably not largely true then, and very clearly questionable now.  His promulgations are premised upon the idea that there are corporate or government leaders who are of good conscience.

While I believe that his principles, such as .... are sound and respectable, I do not believe that they take into account issues or complications which have grown in proportion to his time.  Issues and complications which exponentially magnify the difficulty in finding common ground solutions to the mounting issues surrounding our complex society today.  For example, He does not seem to account for the cases where there are multiple 'good' men standing on multiple sides of an issue, all assuming that they are right while they are in polar disagreement with each other.

HDT was a proponent of the school of the "unbending will."  And, not only was he a member, he was the 'Hair Club' President.   Just kidding.   His presentation did not appear to be one that promoted discussion of government issues as much as standing against the government that he believe was generally faulty.  I did not feel that his considerations were inclusive, they appeared to be exclusive to his own ideals, and his own concerns.  Essentially, I suggest, his philosophy was one of 'every one agree with me regarding the government and what is righteous, or you are a slave or follower of that which is lame.'.  

I've been working on my 'process' for about a year now.  Actually, whatever process I have is partly due to the years that I have spent problem solving as an operational software consultant.  Developing software for many different types of corporations.

However, although the problem solving is important, it is not the part most people want to talk about  I think we mostly like to hear about the creative aspect of an artists process.   Which, for me, was firstly simply a matter of inspirational experience, and response to the experience.  The response, to elaborate, was always a set of questions...what is it that I am feeling about the experience, what visually might summarize my feeling and embody the subject, and last but not least...is there similar work that I have seen?

For example, with regard to YTTW!, First was the experience; it was a television show that depicted an  expression of stereotyping on the part of a law enforcement officer.  I was not expecting my own reaction to the comment, but I thought about it more deeply than usual.  The,, that week I kept on seeing more of the same from many people.  So I thought, hmm, I should write a short essay on the subject, and how I think we have come perhaps innocently to a place where the kind of reference was not unusual.

At some point I realized wait, no one wants to read my essay.  But maybe, I could put together something photographically that would speak to the issue.   This thought took me through weeks, and then it occurred to me that I had seen an exhibition that presented people in a way that I thought would speak to my issue.   That photographers name is Richard Avedon, and there was another that who had an aesthetic I like and also captured people in a way that uplifted them.  His name is Irving Penn.   Both had a clean and beautiful style....Avedon also had scale.  I liked all of that and figured out how to say what I felt they said but say it my way.   

From then on it was a matter of working on the envisioned piece.   

I spent a lot of time, consulting professors, and a contact that I had who had previously operated a gallery, and asked all the questions that would be pertinent.  Does my idea say what I wanted it to say, what did it say that I did not want it to say...and I considered those responses.   Don't get me wrong, it is a very small circle of people.  I heard it said once, keep you circle of insiders small.  I'm a little adventurous, in that I asked people who were outside of the academic circle for their reaction...but my processes is to respond where I can, without loosing the core vision.

I don't know that I will continue this way, but so far it is working.  I've got a bunch of ideas that I propose to potential audiences and consider their reactions.  Perhaps only a little, but enough that I believe in the end that my work speaks what I hope it to.   

Spring 2020 was the debut exhibition of this installation.  I was given the opportunity to install this work at Brazos Gallery of Richland College, Richardson, TX,

A little more than a year in the making...my inspiration happened in a moment.  Perhaps that moment was led up to by a lifetime of experiences and thoughts, but this work in a conscious thought came about in just one instant while watching a television program.  ...

The processes that led to the installation was very clear in my mind.  For one reason, perhaps, because I had spent a couple of decades as a consultant looking at problems and defining solutions and the action plans for them.

Initial inspiration: Examine the feeling and propose what to do with it
Each one of these parts came from thought about the above: Essay / Images / Video
Execution...
Issues...
Final decisions...
Installation...
In-situ experience, capture, next steps...